My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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