Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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