good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
How naked do you want me to be?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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