i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
