butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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