You surviving the open bar?
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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