living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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