Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
