Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
