You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
