i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
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We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I am one with the molecules
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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