Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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