I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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