New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
