definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
