i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
