who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We are all done wearing pants today
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
