Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
