I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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