I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
