the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
