Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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