please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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