i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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