I just made out with a guy for $7.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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