he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
