the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
