I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
