i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
