it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
