There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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