I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
