I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
