I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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