He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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