No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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