She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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