Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
