Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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