Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
