you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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Church boner. Awkwardddd
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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