i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
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I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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