Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
