Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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