i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i need to put some appletini on your dick
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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