i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
