That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
