I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
