Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
