3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
