I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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