Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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