Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
