These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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