You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize