If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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