haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
