i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
