She said her name was "party"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
