I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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