the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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