Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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