I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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