a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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