well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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