as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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