her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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