How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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