Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
