Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
