she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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