it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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