I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
