Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
