Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
