You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
