Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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